


we're all kind of losers anyway

by mesutwoahzil



Category: Football RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M, also possibly full of typos, benni and mes are gross, full of cliches, i'm obsessed with them, so much fluff im angry with myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 05:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3799105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mesutwoahzil/pseuds/mesutwoahzil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Were it any other situation, Benni might find it frustrating. But this is Mesut. And nothing Mesut does makes Benni feel anything other than delighted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we're all kind of losers anyway

 

He walks Mesut back to the door of his hotel room because he’s a gentleman like that.

 

He has no idea how long they had been outside, cruising around narrow streets and posing for shy pictures with fans, but he’d long lost track of the hour by the time he caught himself staring for the third time at Mesut’s profile as he pressed his cold nose into a shop window to peer at what was inside. 

 

Their hands had brushed on occasion, their eyes meeting briefly over the rims of twin coffee cups, but if Mesut’s gaze didn’t fall away almost immediately, then Benni’s did.

 

Were it any other situation, Benni might find it frustrating. But this is Mesut. And nothing Mesut does makes Benni feel anything other than delighted.

 

They had turned back when they'd realized that most of the shops were closing, and the closer they got to the hotel, the slower their steps became. By the time they exited the elevator (Benni lived two floors down but Mesut didn’t need to know that), their feet were practically dragging.

 

The lock beeps as Mesut slides out his keycard, and he presses the door open part way. It’s pitch black. Sami must be asleep already.

 

Just as he steps inside, he turns and lifts his eyes to Benni’s face. Hesitant? Expectant? Nervous? Benni feels blood rushing in his ears and steels himself against dropping his gaze to the carpet.

 

“Uh-“ He clears his throat, toeing the carpet nervously. Searching Mesut’s face for some kind of hint as to what to say. Unfortunately he remains silent, gaze trained on Benni’s face in a thoughtful manner that might be unsettling if Benni didn’t know Mesut well enough to understand that his face just looked like that most of the time.

 

“I had…fun?”

 

_Oh jesus._

Mesut’s almost nervous expression melts into a timid smile. He breathes out a laugh and relaxes up against the door jam. “Yeah me too.”

 

“Yeah?” Benni finds himself mirroring Mesut’s smile.

 

They both chuckle softly, the black space above Mesut’s head serving as a reminder to keep their voices down.

 

_God, he looks so good like this_ , Benni thinks. Mesut’s lips draw back into a grin wide enough to jostle a lock of hair from behind his ear, which he hastily swipes back into place with short fingers. His eyes crinkle at the sides and his gaze flits from place to place like he’s not sure where he wants to look.

 

Their quiet laughter fades away and leaves them standing in silence. Their eyes meet again.

 

Benni knows what he wants to do. He’s been dreaming about this moment for what feels like forever, but no matter how much his brain tells his feet to shuffle forward, they remain rooted to the spot.

 

The way Mesut tips forward ever so slightly onto the balls of his feet before lowering back down tells him that maybe he’s thinking the same thing.

 

Benni purses his lips.

 

If not now, when? Its not like their schedule is the most forgiving. Who knows when a chance like this will rise again?

 

_Now or never._

 

“C-Can I-?” He chokes on the words, ducking his head down and running a trembling hand through his hair.

 

God he knows what he wants. And he’s ninety percent sure he knows what Mesut wants as well. But the sliver of a possibility that he’s reading all of this wrong, that he might be making up this whole thing in his head, keeps him from finishing his sentence. What if he scares Mesut off? What if he slams the door in his face? What if it’s too much too soon?

 

It’s the same fear that kept him from reaching out and taking Mesut’s hand on their walk even when the streets were dark and empty and their pinkies had brushed four times in a row.

 

_Please don’t let me kill this before it even starts._

 

Benni is so preoccupied with the feeling that a hole is about to open up in his chest that he almost misses the tips of Mesut’s red sneakers creeping into his vision. He lifts his gaze to find Mesut blinking up at him from a few inches away.

 

Mesut’s smile has softened to the point that it is nearly imperceptible.

 

“Yeah of course.” He whispers.

 

Benni feels his stomach lurch and his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline as Mesut tilts his face up and brings his hands to rest gently on Benni's shoulders, but before his brain can conjure up another excuse to do nothing, he forces his neck into motion and leans downwards.

 

The first kiss is horribly awkward, Benni almost kissing Mesut’s exposed teeth as his pursed lips meet Mesut’s open mouthed grin. They separate almost immediately, pausing long enough to laugh shyly into each other’s mouths before their lips meet properly. The kisses are soft and slow, lips only parting for a second or two at a time before reconnecting gently. They’re both trembling, but Benni’s not sure if it’s from the thrum of excitement coursing between them or the remnants of leftover laughter. Benni places both hands carefully on Mesut’s waist as they step closer together, public hallway be damned.

 

After a few moments the kiss ends and Mesut steps away, eyes wide and hand covering his mouth like he can’t quite believe what he’s done. On any other person the expression might look horrified, but Benni can see the laughter in the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes.

 

After a beat Mesut drops his hand. His face is blotched red, like he’s just played a full ninety minutes, and he's smiling.  With shaky fingers he pulls out his keycard and reinserts it into the lock of the door, which had fallen shut the moment Mesut had stepped away from it.

 

He turns and glances at Benni over one shoulder.

 

“See you tomorrow yeah?”

 

“Yeah” God, his voice sounds so hoarse. Benni clears his throat.

 

Mesut flashes him one last smile before disappearing into the darkness, the door clicking softly shut behind him.

 

For a few moments longer than he’d like to admit, Benni stares at the white paint of the door, hand pressed to his chest over his heart, willing it to calm down. 

 

Slowly, he makes his way to the elevator and presses the button. A few seconds pass and the doors open, revealing a slightly inebriated looking Mats. The ride is silent, as Mats seems focused on his phone, but after Benni bounces up on his toes a few times, trying and failing to hide his smile, Benni feels a jab in his side.

 

“Hey loser, you look like you've had some fun.”

 

“What's that supposed to mean?” Benni says. But he’s laughing. And Mats is looking at him like he’s insane. “I'm just, you know, excited is all.”

 

Mats nods slowly as Benni steps off as soon as the doors open. He makes his way down to his room with a bit of a skip in his step.

 

Mesut hadn’t run. He’d _kissed him_. And he’d said see you tomorrow.

 

Benni drops his key in his attempt to insert it into the lock.

 

_Tomorrow..._

 

_Maybe tomorrow he’ll let me hold his hand._

 

**Author's Note:**

> once upon a time i saw a hözil photoset and now i'm obsessed with this pairing.  
> i'm so sorry.  
> also i haven't written anything in literally years so forgive me if i'm a little rusty.


End file.
